It has been one year since the beginning of the end. In a few weeks we would have annihilated each other with fear, with sex, with imminence, with urgency, with too much love.
For you, my love, who know who you are, turn soft. Be brave for the right reasons. Learn that love is not something to fear. And neither was I.
“She is a year ago.
She is the ache in the empty,
the first time you changed your mind
and the last time you were sorry about it.
She is a city sleeping beside you,
warm and vast and familiar, streetlights
yawning and stretching,
and you have never. You have never.
You have never loved someone like this.
She is your first stomach ache.
Your first panic attack and your
favorite cold shower.
A mountain is moving somewhere
inside of you, and her handprints are all over it.
Here. Here. Here, you love her.
In the fractured morning, full of
too tired and too sad, she is the first
foot that leaves the bed.
She is the fight in you,
the winning and the losing battle
floating like a shipwreck in your chest.
When they ask you what your favorite moment is,
You will say Her.
You will always say Her.”
– Her, Her, Her by Caitlyn Siehl