‘Wanderlust: the act of going around looking for sex.’ – Pseud Freud

~

Now they say Facebook can cause asthma attacks.
Just like how Twitter causes syphilis because everyone’s fucking everyone over.

~

In bed with a travel value pack of Gummi Bears. My standards have hit an all time low.
It used to be nothing less than Mini Milka Bars once.

~

Quite possibly, every answer in the world today owes its existence to the fundamental question, ‘What the fuck?!’

~

I’m tweeting like a fiend tonight. My head is buzzing & my fingers fly furiously across the QWERTY… WHY AM I NOT MASTURBATING?

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Facebook’s privacy clause is a lot like… well, Santa.

~

Caesar lay stabbed on the floor bleeding to death when he saw Brutus standing before him, dressed in a beige toga.
Said Caesar, “Ecru, Brute?”

~

I refuse to be hard on myself. The people in my life don’t need the competition.

~

Chocolate is the new sex.
At least that’s how I justify the fridge in the bedroom.

~

It is my theory that the usability of a public toilet is inversely proportionate to the fullness of your bladder.

~

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