‘I’d be myself if it weren’t so much trouble.’ – Pseud Freud

~

Do not judge a book by its cover.
Unless it’s entitled Homeward Harlot or something, then I guess it’s okay.

~

If it’s sleep you need I suggest lying down.
Hitting beds and sacks is unnecessarily violent and will only make them resentful.

~

Prostitutes in the Navy! Serving the semen!

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I’d rather die than date a necrophiliac.

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I don’t know if God has a surname but I have a feeling it’s unlikely to be Damn.

~

This month’s TIME has a feature on which dinosaur’s bite would hurt most.
Is this slightly obsolete or is it just me?

~

There’s a bawling baby on my flight. This is not good.
Today, baby oil will be made in midair.

~

I know why God makes people gay. He wants them to be happy.

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2 thoughts on “‘I’d be myself if it weren’t so much trouble.’ – Pseud Freud

  1. Did you write these? Because if you did, they are incredibly witty and hilarious at the same time. Really enjoyed it; and it helps that you seem to be a Gaiman fan..

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