I feel lost. Alien even to my own self. I feel as though I don’t belong. In some soul-like space, I a m like a tourist in a strange place travelling without a passport. I don’t know where I have emerged from or where I am going to. I am just walking and there is nothing in sight. With my past behind me, and my past in front of me, where will I go?
There were a few supporters when I embarked on this frightening journey to where I have never been before. But in my heart I know now that they have all stopped and I am still walking. I am really and truly alone and perhaps it is this way that I am supposed to be at this point. Life has said, ‘I have given you enough. I have lifted you up off the ground and made you stand. Now walk alone.’
I know now, that I am alone. A stranger in my own head, in my own body.
I am not even going to start about what I feel; the love that is become cold and untended to. Neglected and unspoken to.I am not going to stop to ask my heart what is going on. My heart, I think, isn’t speaking to me right now. I don’t blame it. I sought nourishment outside, but it is now winter. The trees are bare. The fruit is gone. There is no shade, there is no light. I couldn’t look after myself so I asked for help. I doubted my own ability and now there is nothing I want to run towards. No one I want to turn to. No body for warmth, no arms for embrace.
You may be much more aware of yourself than usual and hyper-alert to every move you make – especially in the presence of others. You are feeling self-conscious about the words you speak, and you may be constantly asking yourself if you are saying the right thing to the right person at the right time. This over-analysis of yourself and everyone around you may drive you completely insane if you are not careful. Try not to take everything so seriously.