Why I love… Sanjaya (America ka Baap ka Idol, aur mera bhi)

Sanjaya Malakar, teen hasbeen and fourth recognised name in the United States, is the object of my very recent unending fascination.

Oh shut up. I know, I know! I’m half a century late but I just can’t get into anything that everyone else is into at the time they’re into it as well. It’s some bizarre superiority trip that will always, without fail, ensure I am so not with it. Ever. Not because I am uncool, necessarily, but because yeah, well, I missed the bus. But ON PURPOSE.

That is the difference. And look, I am quite happy to wait it out and bide my time until it or he or she becomes completely passe. I am so NOT with it (it being ANYTHING) that it is the ONE thing in my life I offer my much valued and very rare quality of patience. I will wait until nobody will so much as give a shit or backward glance. Until it becomes a blind spot in the papers, until the fans betray, blogs die out and web hits sink to an abysmal all time low and that whatever-it-happens-to-be-this-week/ month/ season/ year/ whatever, fades quietly, sometimes embarrassingly, into oblivion.

Then, it’s mine.

Having said that, let me continue to gush on my serious crush. One that is dangerously terrible for him, with a promisingly disastrous outcome for me. Sanjaya Malakar, teenage boy weird wonder with that angelic voice, the schizophrenic Libran hair do(s), the disarming stuck-in-the-50s song choices, and that gigawatt SMILE (holy Jesus) that made my blood pressure, my mouth and indeed gravity, drop.

I love him. I must have him. Po-hawk and all. I want it, I want it, I want it now. Yesterday, he was yours, America. YOU had him. All you millions. Now hand it over, signed, sealed, delivered. World, I can keep this secret no longer, I am coming out of the shadows and ‘Steppin out with my baby.’

Sanjaya, I love the waya your name rhymes with playa. I’m willing to wait till you’re a manjaya and I guess that makes me your fanjaya. So **** all the naya-sayas… and let me wash in your bathwater.

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